PMS jokes are out there in abundance. Jokes about PMS are, unsurprisingly, generally written by men from the "victims" point of view, but one or two PMS jokes are definitely penned by women who have suffered, but can obviously see the funny side to PMS. These are some of the best (from both worlds):
PMS Joke 1:
A couple was sitting around their apartment; she was clipping coupons while he was reading the bible. The old man said to his wife, "You know honey, everything you ever wanted to know about life is in here."
She returned, "Well, maybe not EVERYTHING, dear."
He replied back, "Sure, just name one thing I can't find in here."
She said, "PMS-you won't find anything about it in there."
He began flipping through the pages, going from one chapter to another, pausing for a few seconds only before going on to the next page. After about 10 minutes, he looked up at his wife and said, "Aha! Here it is, I told you everything was in here."
Then he proceeded to begin reading the script "... and Mary rode Joseph's ass..."
PMS Joke 2:
Why do women call it PMS?
Because mad cow disease was already taken.
PMS Joke 3:
The 10 Definitive Signs of PMS are:
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, 'How's my driving? Call 1 800 ****"**.'
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
8. You're counting down the days until menopause.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
PMS Joke 4:
How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.
ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT.
And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.
But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...
PMS Joke 5:
TOP 14 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR:
14. Pass My Shotgun
13. Psychotic Mood Shift
12. Pack My Stuff
11. Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
10. Perpetual Munching Spree
9. Puffy Mid-Section
8. People Make Me Sick
7. Provide Me with Sweets
6. Pardon My Sobbing
5. Pimples May Surface
4. Pass My Sweatpants
3. Pissy Mood Syndrome
2. Plainly Men Suck
And the number one thing PMS Stands for........Who Cares? I'm not in the mood to play this anymore!!